Professor Umbridge’s Nicest Colleagues
by Healer Pomfrey
Summary: Some of the teachers fall ill with the wizard's flu, and everyone makes a fuss about them. What happens if Umbridge catches it? Completely AU, partly OOC, sick!Umbridge, mean!Teachers, including a one-way ticket to Azkaban


**Professor ****Umbridge's Nicest Colleagues **

Severus observed as Minerva watched her friend Poppy in obvious concern. The Mediwitch was sitting at the other end of the table in the staffroom, her elbows propped on the table to rest her head on her palms, while she seemed to be interestedly listening to Professor Umbridge's new regulations.

'_Poppy definitely looks ill. I just hope she won't come down with the bad bug of the wizard's flu that's going around. Otherwise, I'll have to look after lots of sick students. The hospital wing is full of them_,' Severus mused as he listened to the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher's babbling in annoyance.

Pomona apparently noticed as well that something was off with Poppy. She suddenly stood up, heading for the corner, in which a small table with self refilling coffee and tea containers was placed. She took Poppy's mug, which was dark blue, decorated with a Healer, who was seemed to be trying to cure a green dragon that spiked a red head, and filled it with her favourite tea.

"Here, Poppy, drink this, it'll make you feel better."

"Thank you, Pomona," Poppy whispered back, placing a small smile on her face that didn't reach her eyes. She gratefully placed both hands around the mug, craving the warmth of the stone ware.

Severus had to try hard to keep a blank expression on his face and to not fall asleep during his colleague's explanations. '_She really is an annoying bitch. Why can't she leave us and the students in peace?_' he thought, while he continued to observe the Mediwitch in growing concern, taking in the dark rings around her eyes and the pearls of sweat threatening to drip down from her temples.

As soon as the professor's monologue was interrupted by the Headmaster, who had a few questions, Minerva rose from her seat and walked around the table. Standing behind the Mediwitch, she worriedly laid her hand on her forehead, letting out a small gasp.

"Poppy, you're burning up. Why don't you go to bed and get some rest?" she suggested in a soft but firm voice.

"Because Professor Umbridge threatened to fire anyone who didn't attend the staff meeting. I told her I had to look after my patients and even explained that I wasn't feeling too well and didn't want to get all of you sick," Poppy whispered back, looking up to her friend from half open glassy eyes.

"There is no way she could sack you without the Headmaster's consent," Severus threw in calmingly, unobtrusively waving his wand at Poppy. "You're ill with the wizard's flu that is going around, and as you know from the students that came down with it, it's a bad case of the flu. If you do not intend to infest all of us with your germs, I suggest you retreat to your own bedroom for the time being. I'll come by and check on you right after this extraordinarily pleasant meeting."

"Albus, please excuse me for a short while. Poppy is ill, and I'm going to accompany her back to her quarters," Minerva addressed the Headmaster.

"Very well, Minerva. Please take care of yourself, Poppy. Severus will look after you and the students. Don't worry about them," Albus said gently, before he turned back to his other colleague, who hadn't even bothered to stop talking while he spoke to the Mediwitch.

HP

Minerva steadied Poppy as they walked through the crowded hospital wing to her quarters. Since Poppy's entrance door was charmed to let Minerva, Severus, and the Headmaster in at all times, Minerva walked ahead and led Poppy straight into her bedroom. She gently helped her to lie down and transfigured her clothes into soft pyjamas before she tucked the Mediwitch in.

"Poppy, what potions do you need exactly?"

"The flu potion and a fever reducer," Poppy croaked, shivering violently.

Minerva threw her a concerned glance and fetched the potions as well as Poppy's card and a thermometer from her friend's office. Placing the card and the phials on the night table, she coaxed the business end of the thermometer under Poppy's tongue, gently adjusting a cold cloth on her forehead.

"You have forty degrees of fever," Minerva gasped after a glance at the display.

"That's all right," Poppy croaked. "This flu comes along with a high fever that stays for five days, just so you know if you have to check on sick students."

"Very well," Minerva replied, noting the result on Poppy's card for Severus' information. She sighed. "I'm sorry, but I have to return to the staff meeting. I'll come and check on you later on." With that, she made her friend take the potions and once more tucked her in, observing as Poppy drifted off to sleep in the blink of an eye.

HP

Two days later, Severus checked on the students in the hospital wing as usual, glad that during the last two days since the house-elves had mixed the preventive flu potion into the meals nobody else had caught the flu except for Harry Potter, whom Minerva had brought to the hospital wing with a high fever and flu like symptoms just after Poppy had taken ill. '_I wonder what's wrong with the boy_,' Severus thought in concern as he cast several diagnostic spells on him that indicated the flu was on its mend but the high fever remained. He gently picked up the boy's palm to feel his pulse, when he noticed Harry's right hand was infected badly.

"Your hand is infected, Potter. What did you do to it?" he drawled, throwing the boy a menacing glare that vanished completely when Harry told him what had happened in his detentions with Professor Umbridge.

"She let you use a Blood Quill?" he queried in disbelief. "Potter, why didn't you already tell anyone?" Without waiting for an answer, he fetched Essence of Murtlap from the office and made the boy bathe his hand for twenty minutes before he wrapped the infected hand in white gauze with a flick of his wand.

"I didn't want to get Professor McGonagall into trouble," Harry replied in a small voice, causing the Potions Master to snort.

"Professor Umbridge will be the one in trouble," he promised as he made the boy drink a fever reducer that caused him to drift off to sleep. '_Thank God he's asleep for the moment_,' Severus mused. '_I'm already late for the staff meeting. I have to speak with Minerva and Albus right afterwards_.'

HP

When Severus entered the staffroom ten minutes late for the daily staff meeting, Umbridge loudly cleared her throat and continued to speak in a slightly hoarse voice. "I want to have Mr. Potter expelled, Headmaster. He missed his detention last night and the night before unexcused."

"Mr. Potter is ill," Severus replied in the iciest voice he could muster, noticing that Minerva, who was sitting just opposite of him, threw him an appreciative look. '_She looks ill_,' he thought, taking in her glassy eyes and flushed cheeks.

"Minerva, are you feeling all right?" he whispered during Umbridge's and the Headmaster's following heated controversy.

"Of course," the tough Scottish lioness whispered back, turning her eyes back to Umbridge, who let out a few harsh coughs.

Severus couldn't hide a smirk noticing that his most hated colleague had obviously caught the flu as well. He quickly straightened his features and turned to the Headmaster. "Albus, if that's all, I need to speak with you and Minerva for a few minutes."

"One moment, Severus," Umbridge croaked. "I'm not feeling well today, and I need someone to cover my rounds from ten o'clock until midnight. Severus, could you do the rounds tonight?"

"I'm afraid that's impossible, Dolores," Albus replied quickly. "Severus has to look after the students in the hospital wing."

"Minerva?" Umbridge queried.

"Minerva is sick and belongs into bed," Severus said firmly. "Pomona, would you please be so kind as to look after her tonight?"

"Of course," Pomona replied gently, throwing her Slytherin colleague a surprised glance.

"I will look after the Gryffindors tonight," Filius promised, smiling enthusiastically.

The other professors had their own excuses, and finally the Headmaster suggested, "Why don't you ask Mr. Filch if he would be willing to change with you, Dolores?"

"I'll do so," Umbridge croaked with a false cheer on her lips and left the room, unaware of the fact that Severus unobtrusively cast a diagnostic spell on her from behind.

"And what is your diagnosis?" Filius asked, smirking.

"I don't think I'm entitled to inform you about our colleagues' ailments; however, let me just assure you how sorry I am to not be able to give her the flu potion because it wouldn't do well in combination with Veritaserum," Severus replied, sarcastically.

Minerva wearily raised a hand to her forehead. "Severus, am I delirious, or do you intend to question Dolores under Veritaserum?"

"I was speaking about Veritaserum, which I'm afraid I wish Albus to use on Dolores tonight." Severus ushered his colleagues back to their seats and explained what he had discovered.

"She used a Blood Quill on Harry in his detentions?" Minerva asked horrified. "Harry had about sixty detentions with her."

"Well, you can see his own writing on his right hand, which is badly infected," Severus replied firmly. "I suggest I put the memory in Albus' Pensieve for you to watch."

A house-elf brought the Headmaster's Pensieve, and the teachers watched Severus' earlier conversation with Harry in horror.

"Dobby, please bring Professor Umbridge here instantly," Albus instructed the elf, while Pomona conjured tea for everyone. Severus unobtrusively waved his wand over Minerva and handed her a phial with the flu potion that he found in his robes as he searched for the small phial of Veritaserum he used to carry around. He quickly poured the clear liquid into Dolores' cup, just when Dobby returned to the room.

"Professor Umbridge tolds me she is sick, Master Professor Dumbledore, sir. What is Dobby supposeds to dos?"

"Tell her that we're going to hold our staff meeting in her bedroom if she doesn't show up," Severus told Dobby in a menacing voice that made the small elf cringe.

"Yes, Master Professor Severus Snape, sir," he squealed, bowing deeply.

Ten minutes later, the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor entered the staffroom in her normal pink coloured robes, looking worse for the wear.

"I am sorry to disturb you, Dolores, but there is still one pressing matter to discuss," Albus said gently, motioning the woman to take a seat.

Sighing, the professor let herself sink on the only empty seat between Severus and the Headmaster, looking around curiously as a violent shiver shook her body.

"I noticed that several of you are sick with the flu; therefore, I need all of you to drink this tea completely and as quickly as possible," Severus advised his colleagues, causing everyone including Dolores to gulp down their tea, which was not too hot but had a comfortable temperature.

"Ah, that's much better," Minerva sighed hoarsely, faking relief so as not to make her colleague become suspicious.

"Yes, it feels good," Pomona agreed immediately.

"I don't feel any change," the Defence professor croaked, throwing Severus a questioning look from glassy eyes.

"I would like to ask you something, Dolores. What you are making your students do during their detentions?" Albus spoke up, slowly unwrapping a lemon drop.

"I make them write lines," the woman replied hoarsely, putting her traditional smile on her deeply flushed cheeks.

"Do you use a Blood Quill to make them write lines?"

"Yes, they are such misbehaving liars, especially Mr. Potter, but I will teach them to shut up."

"Dolores!" Minerva croaked, horrified, while Albus stepped in front of the small fireplace and called the Auror's office.

Minutes later, Aurors Tonks and Shacklebolt entered the staff room. The Headmaster conjured two chairs and turned back to Dolores.

"So you normally use Blood Quills on your students in detention, especially on Harry Potter?"

"Yes, Mr. Potter is such a liar. He has to learn the hard way."

"Did you know that the use of a Blood Quill is forbidden?" Shacklebolt queried sternly.

"Yes," Umbridge replied, shocked enough by her own replies to end up in a coughing fit.

"Very well," Shacklebolt said, turning to the Headmaster. "I heard enough. We'll take her to a Ministry cell until the trial. However, the use of a Blood Quill warrants for a one-way ticket to Azkaban."

"You better put her in a quarantine cell," Severus spoke up dryly. "She is ill with the bad wizard's flu virus that's going around."

"All right," Shacklebolt agreed. "Thank you, Severus. If you could administer the antidote to the Veritaserum, we'll take her with us right away."

Five minutes later, the two Aurors took a Portkey to the Ministry together with Hogwarts' former Defence professor, causing the complete Hogwarts staff to sigh in relief.

"Thank God. Thank you, Severus," Filius voiced what everyone else thought.

"Thank you, Severus," Pomona agreed. "I'm so glad I don't have to see her ugly face anymore."

"I believe you did a very good dead for all of our staff and all the students tonight, Severus," Albus commended his Potions Master, popping a lemon drop into his mouth.

"That was absolutely brilliant!" Rolanda threw in. "Good riddance of that bitch."

"Will Harry have to attend the trial?" Minerva asked worriedly.

The Headmaster sighed. "Since he is under age, his guardian might attend instead. However, considering that his relatives are Muggles, his magical guardian, which is his Head of House during the school year, could represent him at the trial, although I believe that Harry has to make an appearance as well."

"All right; I'll attend the trial together with Harry," Minerva promised, coughing and shivering violently as she leaned back in her seat.

"Very well; Minerva, please accompany me to the hospital wing," Severus ordered his colleague, who was feeling bad enough to readily agree and allowed him to gently steady her on the way.

HP

The trial took place a week later. On the Headmaster's order, Severus grudgingly accompanied Minerva and Harry, who were both completely back to health, to the Ministry, where the trial against Umbridge was scheduled. Severus smirked, noticing that the former professor still looked feverish and ill and was coughing permanently. '_What a pity I forgot to give the Aurors a few phials of my newly invented flu potion, which is the only potion working so fast on this annoying bug_.'

At the end of the trial, the Aurors took Umbridge out of the room to make use of her one-way ticket to Azkaban, while Harry and his teachers returned to Hogwarts, where Remus Lupin was back as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, accompanied by his familiar, a black dog similar to the Grim.

**The End**

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_I'm not a native speaker of English. Please excuse my mistakes or help me to correct them._

_All recognizable characters belong to J. K. Rowling, and I am not earning anything by writing this story._


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